It has been a strange week for me. On New Year’s Day I picked up my Navy son at the airport. He was headed for SERE school (Search, Evade, Resist, Escape). It’s a required class that all pilots and air crew must attend. I drove him from Boston to Portsmouth, New Hampshire. I probably won’t see him for a year, since he is immediately relocating to San Diego after the class is over. He will be deploying in June, to somewhere in the Pacific, or heaven knows where. He’s excited…his training is finally ending, and he is a fully qualified Navy helicopter pilot. I’m happy for him, because he has the confidence that youth and good training bring. I’m also uneasy, because we are still very much a nation at war.
Today, I dropped off my Army son at the same airport. He is headed back to Afghanistan in the near future. His unit is deploying again, and as a Medic, he is an important part of the team. When he first deployed in 2009, I was able to tell myself that everything would be all right…that he would be fine. He also had the confidence that youth and good training bring. And he was fine…until he was badly wounded in combat.
This time, I say goodbye to my sons from a different viewpoint. I can’t put my finger on it…but this time I lack the ability to tell myself that it will be all right. I want it to be, with all my heart. I pray every day that it will be. But I can’t wall myself off from the knowledge that they will face danger, face the enemy, and endure hardship. I have, to be honest, lost the ability to tell myself that all will be well, that they will be safe, and return unharmed. I think I became a veteran in my own right. A veteran military parent.
There is no official category for such a thing. But it’s true nonetheless. I’m no longer the parent at the Basic Training graduation, smiling at a pass-in-review. I’m a good ways down the road from that now, and I know what war can do to young men and women. I’m the parent of two of America’s finest, young men who have put their personal safety and comfort aside to serve our nation. But I am also something else. My sons have changed, and I have changed too. I am still bursting with pride, but there is something else there. Perhaps it is a wish for a leap forward in time, to the end of 2012, when the deployments will end.
When I figure it out, I will write about it. Meanwhile, 2012 can’t pass quickly enough. Happy new year to everyone in FOTB, and God bless our troops.
Very well said Jim! You have changed…as expected. Knowing them both, they are doing what they feel they need to be doing…their sense of service and duty and honor instilled in them by good parents.
We’ll all pray for a safe deployment and long illustrious careers for both.
Godspeed !!
Jim,
Appreciate your sons service to our country and freedom.
I can relate somewhat my son downrange Afghanistan since last spring. Will return in about 10 weeks.
We lost his mother who was also my wife 12-7. He came home on emergency leave…took him back to airport day after Christmas .
Will pray for our sons and daughters to return home safely…..
Austin
Austin, my condolences to you and your family on your loss. I am sure you are counting down the 10 weeks, and waiting for the call. We are all in this together. Thanks for the kind wishes, and God bless.
My hopes and prayers go with them Jim.
I suspect that part of the challenge that you are coping with is keeping things in perspective. When we were cops, firemen, and medics we went into harms way often and thought little about it. But…what did our wives and kids think about when we did?
Now the shoe is on the other foot. You are out of harms way and they are heading into the breech. Part of your ‘change’ is that now you are just the parent.
But what do we know. They are extremely well trained and passionate about their mission and this country. That’s a pretty good combo.
Maturity is the price you pay when they grow up.
Be a proud Pa-Pa. You earned it.
Jim, I know the feeling well. My Marine just returned from his 2nd deployment to Afghanistan this morning! And though things were calmer in Marjah this time around as compared to 2010, I had a much more difficult time with this deployment. It is hard to put into words but you are on the right track when you say we have changed.
We are more aware of what it might mean if an unknown number comes up on the phone at 0300. We are more aware of what it might mean when an unknown car pulls into the driveway. We are more aware of the unexpected knock on the door anytime of the day or night! (That’s why I have a sign on my front door that says my son is deployed and if I am not expecting your visit..do not knock or ring the doorbell!!)
And I can only imagine that these feelings are multiplied in your case with 2 sons going in Harm’s Way. (Please THANK them both for their service!)
But I will also let you know that the relief of HOMECOMING is also more acutely felt! The tears and joy that washed over me this morning when I got the call, “Dad, I’m back!” is simply indescribable! And being retired, I have already started catching up on 7 months loss of sleep!
So hang in there Brother. You are a Proud Military Dad and with support from family, friends and even your sons, this too shall pass! And if there is anything that I can help with, don’t hesitate to holler! SEMPER FI!
Thanks for the kind thoughts, Mike, and welcome home to your son! Sounds like you know well the feeling I am experiencing now. I hope my friends and family know not to call late at night, or pull into the driveway without calling first. Unexpected visitors…you know how it is. Please thank your Marine for me, and help spread the word about FOTB. This is why we are here!
Jim, I too share your same feelings. My son will also be deploying in March for his second tour of AFG. Its hard to put into words just how we feel about this second tour. He keeps telling us, that going back as a Army Sniper, he will be much safer. I do not think there is any “safe” zones in AFG! But, I place my trust in the Army that he is well trained and prepared, and I put my faith in God! That is all I simply know how to do.
Blessings to you and your family during 2012. May God Bless our military men and women and those that stand behind them!